As is true in the lives of clinicians outside of the office, asserting and maintaining clear professional boundaries is essential clinically, ethically, and personally. I have found it not only helpful, but often critical to help my clients gain awareness of the limits in our professional relationship, not only for their safety but for my own.


As to be expected, my clients have tested these boundaries, sometimes in minor and other times significant ways. Regardless of the size of these crossings, I have always found their navigation challenging. If their behavior inside of the therapy room is in some way a reflection of similar behavior outside of those walls, then I would like to think that by setting boundaries, I have been helpful in their personal relationships. I’d like to share an instructive experience I had several years ago.

An Early Career Therapeutic Experience with Boundaries

In my early therapeutic work, a client sought help for anxiety and self-esteem issues. Throughout her life, the client had felt misunderstood by parents and peers, leading to a powerful desire to be heard, coupled with a deep need to feel understood. In sessions with me, she often attempted to dominate and control the work, deflected from that work, and resisted my therapeutic efforts and techniques.

Having attended for several months, she often interrupted me, changed the direction of counselling, challenged suggestions, resisted recommended coping strategies, and all the while — and quite ironically — pushed for more session time and dropped “doorknob disclosures” at the end of sessions. I often left those sessions feeling frustrated, powerless, and occasionally angry with her.

I quickly recognised her need to address these boundary challenges for the sake of her growth, and my own therapeutic — and perhaps personal — peace of mind. The week after a particularly frustrating session in which the client was extremely resistant, I broached the subject of boundaries. I enquired what boundaries meant to her, but the subject was quickly and quite handily deflected and changed. Firm and focused, I resisted the redirection.

“Let’s circle back to my question,” I encouraged, keeping my body language open, my expression warm and my eye contact fixed. The client did not respond. Maintaining eye contact, I held space for the silence in the room, allowing a few moments to pass. It was an uneasy silence, like a standoff of sorts.

I carefully monitored her emotional response to the intervention. Smiling, I broke the silence. “It appears you couldn’t answer my question, and that’s ok. Perhaps you aren’t ready to answer right now. We can come back to that when you are ready. However, I would really like to share my thoughts on boundaries with you. Could we stay with that for a moment?” I invited. Due to the direct nature of my statement, the client looked at me curiously.

“Yes, ok,” she replied, slightly irritated.   

A Therapeutic Door Open Once Boundaries are Asserted

Following some psychoeducation around boundaries, I gently shared my thoughts and observations, applying curiosity and compassion to her behaviours that I noticed in our sessions, addressing the boundary violations which had presented over the past few months. I discussed the ethics of counselling and the importance of boundaries, expressing genuine empathy.

This intervention opened the door of awareness for the client to explore her own boundaries, and after some discussion, she acknowledged their looseness in certain areas of her life and that pushing boundaries with others helped maintain a level of control at a time when she did not feel in control of her emotions and thoughts. Keeping focus, we talked through the rationale behind boundaries, highlighting how doing so created a safe space for exploration and growth.

I offered, “fostering strong healthy boundaries within our therapeutic relationship will help you harness boundaries in your personal life and move you closer to your goals.” Concluding the pivotal discussion, we defined and discussed the therapeutic framework, ensuring the shared understanding that boundaries were necessary for a productive therapeutic relationship, and laid the foundation for a revised framework we would adhere to as we re-contracted with each other.

My client seemed to appreciate my assertiveness, and the renewed structure of our work together. From that point, our sessions flowed with more focus and structure, and she demonstrated a will to apply the techniques both in and outside of the therapy room. Whenever she subsequently attempted to push boundaries in session, I quickly re-focused on that earlier breakthrough session. She was even able to discuss instances from outside of therapy where she was able to assert and maintain healthy boundaries. As boundaries became more consistent in her life, her self-esteem improved, and her self-confidence expanded. Growth, resilience and self-discovery followed.

By holding firm to my boundaries, I demonstrated professionalism while modelling self-respect and honouring my client’s process. Doing so allowed her to gradually understand the significance of these boundaries and the transformative potential she held. In retrospect, I believe we identified the underlying motivations behind her actions, holding space for fear of vulnerability, and the emotional injury underneath the need for control.

This exploration fostered healing, self-awareness, and empowered my client to take ownership of her behaviour, laying the foundation for personal transformation. Our work flourished, and in the process, I gained confidence in setting boundaries with future clients. I’m not saying that clients no longer test me, but I am thankful for that and similar early-career opportunities to assert and hold fast to boundaries.  


File under: The Art of Psychotherapy, A Day in the Life of a Therapist